The misadventures of Panera and Flame
by maxipawz49
Summary: Stuff happens to a Pancham and a Charmeleon and who knows what else. (Will update with new chapters every now and then when I'm bored and have ideas floating around and have nothing else to do with them. Rated T for rude things. Please do not take this fic seriously. In fact, do not look at it. Look at something more worth your time.)
1. IT BEGINS

"It was a blissful summer morning. The plants were singing and the birds were swaying in the breeze."

"Panera, if you are narrating our life again, I swear to god, I will set you on fire." A greatly annoyed and unusually plump Charmeleon moaned in the distance of a shiny, young, and rather vocal Pancham. The Charmeleon was laying on his back, and looked as if he was ready to burst. Everywhere. But he didn't.

"Plants don't even sing, you pile of empty dreams." The Charmeleon spat once more.

"Wow Flame, you can do a stopping of that anytime."

Flame looked annoyed. "You wanna go, sister?"

"Yea, you wanna go too?"

"Nah, man, I just ate."

"Arceus' butt, you're as fat as a Wailmer." The Pancham, cleverly named Panera, stomped over to Flame. "What in the Houndoom army did you eat?!"

"A Seviper."

"The whole Seviper?"

"The whole f*cking Seviper."

"Why did you eat a Seviper?"

"Why do you think I ate a Seviper?"

"It owed you money?"

"You STUPID little bear, to EAT it! I wanted to EAT the Seviper!"

"Who would want to eat a whole Seviper?"

"Me."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I can."

"Why can you?"

"Why do you think?"

"Why are we talking about this?"

"Because you brought it up."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't."

Flame belched. He smelled of poison.

Panera looked disgusted at this point. She drew her arm back and slammed her entire fist into Flame's face.

"Owwww...Owwww! You f*cking barrel of Mankeys!" Flame wriggled around on the floor like a little baby.

"Haww hawww!" Panera bursted into laughter as she took a picture of the writhing fire lizard with her iPhone5 and posted it on Twitter and Instagram with a stupid gradient shading.

Later on that night, Flame snuck into some random and unimportant Pokemon's house and set it on fire. Officials are still looking for him.

Panera found him, though, merely 5 minutes after the incident. He was hiding in a few bushes. Instead of beating his ass up, she decided to join him.

"So you wanna tell me why you did that?" Panera asked, burning with curiosity

Flame looked at Panera with a serious face.

"I want to become the world's most wanted criminal."


	2. Reactions

The two were talking about fanfictions.

"Isn't that a game about Pac-Man with monkeys?" Flame asked, hearing the name of an infamous writer.

"Yeah, the guy's an Alakazam, 'ya know." Panera chortled.

"What the f*ck." Flame scratched his butt.

"Where are we going?" Panera happened to notice they were running on a treadmill.

"We're running from the police." Flame answered, looking back. A series of cop cars were on the same treadmill.

"Let's just jump off the treadmill." Panera insisted, doing so. Flame did the same. The cars did not follow. In this story, the cops are stupid.

"So what's gonna happen to you when you become the world's most wanted criminal?" Panera asked, breaking off a small tree branch.

"Hopefully I'll evolve by then. Then Arceus could give me a new name!"

"Serious? You are in cahoots with THE Arceus?"

"Heck yeah. I went up and told 'em "Yo, Arceus, I want a new name". And Arceus was all "Sure brah but you gotta do something first". And I was all "Fine. What'cha want?". And Arceus was all "Do something super stupid and have your name be known. Then I'll change it so I can bail you out". And the Arceus was pretty nice, so I was all "K". So here we are."

"Cool."

"Cool? I speak a paragraph for you to to give me a statement?"

"It's called a reaction."

"React to this." Flame then proceeded to give Panera the middle claw.

It was 78 degrees out, which meant Flame was gassy. Panera complained every time Flame let out a fart, which was pretty often. Flame never really was a hygienic Charmeleon.

Eventually, the two made it to a cave.

"Sweet. A bathroom. Wait here, I gotta drop the bass. Ha ha, get it? Because I gotta take a shit?" Flame was being uncool.

Panera waited. She started to poke a Flabebe.

The sounds of Flame grunting and sobbing could be heard. Flame always grunted and sobbed whenever he went to the bathroom.

It was a Charmeleon thing.

Flame eventually popped back out.

"Done your business?" Panera asked.

"Nah, I got kicked out. Apparently it wasn't a bathroom."

"Cool. I'm hungry. Let's go to Denny's."


End file.
